I don’t know how many pop songs have been written about shitting yourself, but I think this might be the most upbeat.
It’s probably also one of the most upbeat song I’ve ever written. Which is kind of strange, considering I wrote it at a time when I was staring one of my most serious periods of darkness in the face.
I was a few months in to a flare up of Ulcerative Colitis — an inflammatory bowel disease I was first diagnosed with in 2014 — which had returned after more than three years in remission. I had all these physical symptoms back — including some top quality pant shitting moments — and I could feel this huge fog of fatigue and depression setting in
Writing this song, I found myself refusing to ignore that; refusing to make the same mistakes I made when I was diagnosed the first time; refusing to simply push those feelings down and just to keeping on keeping on.
I faced up to the reality. I spoke up. I had honest, open, and often very difficult conversations about how I was feeling. I started asking people their best pant shitting stories.
‘Around’ actually came out a few weeks ago, and I’ve only just gotten round to writing, editing and posting about it here on the blog. As I’ve spoken about before, I find releasing music pretty tough emotionally and mentally, and yesterday was a really tough day for me: after six weeks of treatment, the amazing team at the hospital got me in for new blood tests and a whole new treatment plan.
I have this weird tendency to write songs where their true meaning becomes deeper after they’re out. After yesterday, I came back to this song: realising how much it means to me, and how different things are the second time around. A huge part of that is being more open and honest with both myself and others, and so, was when I realised that, I had to get this blog post up without delay.
Over the past six months, I’ve learnt so much about myself; my body; my thoughts and emotions; and about never trusting anyone who doesn’t have a great pant shitting story to share.