2016
If my 2016 has a theme, it is probably this: finding comfort amidst the confusion.
An Unsure Start
Finishing university in 2015 meant I was back in my old job — the reason I had gone to uni in the first place — and wondering what my plan was going to be. In September 2015, I gave myself a year to find the next new challenge, and so had set about writing a funding bid to Youth Music for a new project at work. That application went off in January, and kick started so much of this years big moments.
M-Tech
By May, we found out that our funding bid was successful and my new role as M-Tech project manager had begun. It's meant incredibly long hours, and so much extra work, but it was the challenge I needed when I decided it was make or break last September. It's been an incredible start, and one of my first jobs when I'm back in January is to wrap up what we've learnt from the Autumn term, which I can't wait to share.
Pyra
Over the year, I've been recording with Pyra, continuing to work on new music together. This year, we both feel like we're creating our best work yet, and whilst much of it remains hidden until it is finished, 2016 did see two songs we worked on go out in to the world: ‘Ride U Better’ and ‘Bodies’ (embedded above).
Invaleurs
In August, I released an EP under the name Invaleurs:
I have a confession.
For too long, the anxieties I experience around sharing my music online have kept me from creating things I love. But when I set out writing these songs, I made them just for me.
With that freedom, I could explore more freely, able to push beyond the boundaries of my own comfort zone, to create songs I am proud of. And so, I am sharing them with you
If you enjoy them, if you share them too, then I feel honoured to know that these songs have found new connections beyond the ones I hold with them. If you don't, that's fine too. I've already done what I set out to do.
Family Holiday
This year we went on a big family holiday to Cornwall, and it was an unforgettable experience: a wonderful, special time spent with family in such a beautiful location. I video blogged the trip to try and keep the memories captured to remember in years to come.
The family holiday came accompanied by two big announcements:
1. Becoming An Uncle (Again)
My brother and his wife, and their two beautiful children, are adding to their family with another one. And later in the year, I got to help them make a special announcement about it...
2. My Sister's Engagement
And the second big announcement was that my sister got engaged!
Annora Bird
Two of my very best friend's a simply the most adorable little baby in to the world, and every time I see them together, my heart swells with pride and love for them all: I couldn't be happier. I wrote a song for her, on the day of her birth, and Emma writes the most incredibly honest, funny and frank blog about what it's like being an expectant, and then new, mum.
UK Music Award
As a result of the successful M-Tech bid, I was nominated by Solent University for the UK Music ‘Outstanding Contribution to Music’ award. It was an honour to be nominated amongst other high achieving new graduates.
Starting a Blog
Finally, in 2016 I started this blog. As I wrote about in October, I started this blog as a way of creating and releasing music that was better for my mental health. And I'm so happy with what I've started to build. As this blog grows, and develops, it's been fun to explore what shape music can take when you remove the constraints of the old methods of production and consumption. I don't feel like I have any answers yet, but asking the questions has been reason enough on its own.
It started with Summer Shorts...
Moving on to Autumn Pieces...
And finishing the year with Vlogmas.
So, to finish, I come back to the theme of 2016: finding comfort amidst the confusion. With all that has happened this year, I have tried to learn to bring myself more fully in to each moment, to enjoy and take comfort in friends and family, and to be a little kinder to myself. What did you learn in 2016?
Autumn Pieces 09: Lepe Beach, Southampton
Returning to Lepe this week, where the Summer Shorts series began, I was rewarded with beautiful Autumnal light and an early sunset.
A few weeks ago I ordered a Holga style lens for my DSLR and, ever since its arrival in the post, had been waiting for a bight enough free day to go and make best use of it narrow aperture and vintage charms. With all my weekend jobs completed by lunchtime on Sunday, and the Autumn sun still shining bright and low, it seemed like the perfect time to do just that.
With the increased busyness of the past few months, I've really treasured the times I've spent creating these Autumn Pieces films and blogs. As well, with the short winter days rolling in, I've been actively trying to get more sunshine at the times when its available. So to make the most of the sun, I decided to go back to somewhere close: and Lepe seemed like the perfect choice.
The clouds were moving quickly through the sky all afternoon: sometimes revealing the low Autumnal sun, and other times filling the sky. The bright light causing the Holga lens to turn the sun in to aberrations and flares.
With the sun starting to set, it started to turn cold, and so I moved the car to the beach front, put the DSLR on the hood and set up my time-lapse on the car.
A note on iPhone Photography:
The photographs that I took with my iPhone 7 were some of my favourites of the day. They had a totally different character to the Holga lens — you could almost believe they were from different places on different days — but that is possibly why I love them even more. The blue light that helped to create the vintage, washed out feel of the film and photographs from the Holga lens created dark blue clouds and deep, dark contrast in the sea when seen through the iPhone lens.
Autumn (Bits ‘n’) Pieces 08: Holly Hill Woodland, Southampton
An experiment with format — a series of shorter video clips rather than one longer video — accompanies experiments with music and photography for Autumn Pieces 08.
This week I decided to take on some creative experiments. Inspired by a very talented friend of mine — Lulu McArdle — who, a few years ago, took some photographs of me using a prism to create light effects I decided to take a prism with me on my trip this week to play with whilst shooting.
Walking though Holly Hill Woodland and down towards the River Hamble, the changing autumnal colours stood out in the light coming through the trees dropping their leaves for the coming winter. In front of the iPhone camera, and in front of the 35mm lens on my Nikon the prism created unexpected shapes and patterns from the woodland surroundings and the autumnal light.
On the walk, I found little spots in the woodland to pause and shoot, but it wasn't until arriving at the River Hamble that, in the low, late afternoon light, I could sit and make a time-lapse.
Autumn Pieces 03–06: Isle of Wight
Setting off at 8.30 a.m. last weekend, I took a day trip to the Isle of Wight. After some work in the morning, I set out around the Island to create more Autumn Pieces.
Autumn Pieces 03: Isle of Wight Ferry
8.30 a.m. on a Saturday morning is an ungodly time to be at a ferry terminal, but I made it — and on time. Once again with my GoPro, my Nikon and my iPhone, I was ready for a day trip to the Isle of Wight.
The weather was crisp, and the clouds were clearing, and as the ferry set out from Southampton on the journey to Cowes, I found spaces out on deck to sit, film and compose.
Through Southampton water, the ferry journey takes you past Calshot: it was a satisfying moment sailing past the place I was the week before, but this time, seeing it from the other side.
Approaching Cowes, the call comes to go back to the car, and I must go complete a morning's work before I can explore that afternoon.
Autumn Pieces 04: Newport
After working the morning at Medina College, I drove in to Newport to visit Quay Arts, a cafe and art centre on the bank of Medina River.
Quay Arts is an old industrial building, with a bridge over the river leading you from the gift shop through to the cafe and arts space. The out door area over looks the river, and it was the perfect location to grab lunch, and recharge.
Walking along Newport Harbour after lunch — I had the hand-made burger — it was great! — You see a mix of disused and renovated industrial buildings and along the edge of the industrial riverside, flowers grow through the cracks in the concrete over the water's edge.
With lunch finished, batteries charged, and a brief explore of Newport Harbour, it was time to head off to Alum Bay to see The Needles and explore the coastline.
Autumn Pieces 05: The Needles
Arriving at The Needles at 3 p.m. I spent some time walking and sitting along the cliff tops, capturing time-lapses, taking in the expansive views over the water and turning them in to music.
Grey clouds started to fill the sky, the light started to fade, and with only a few hours left before my ferry back, It was clear that I wouldn't have time to walk along the cliff tops as well as down to Alum Bay beach. And so, with the rain starting to fall, I decided to walk down the steep steps to the beach.
Autumn Pieces 06: Alum Bay
Film arriving Friday at 6pm
As the rain started to fall, I was determined to make it down to Alum Bay to see the needles from the beach. I knew my GoPro would be fine in the rain, but I was tempted to leave my DSLR behind. However, I decided to tuck my D5100 under my jacket and chance it.
The steps down to the bay are steep, but reward you with incredible views across the bay and out towards the Needles: the windy stairs providing perfect stoping points for photos and a quick time-lapse.
Once down on the beach, the soggy walk was repaid with beautiful clear views and an empty beach: I guess the rain had put everybody else off. The view across to the needles was uninterrupted, and I was glad for my (now worryingly rain covered) DSLR to capture the clouds over the bay.
With clouds continuing to gather, and the rain continuing to fall, it was soon time to make a run back up the steep steps, back to the car, and back to the ferry home. With the fan heaters set to full, I tried to dry myself (and my gear) out.
GEAR:
MUSIC:
FILM:
Music and Mental Health: World Mental Health Day
Today is World Mental Health Day and I wanted to take a moment to join together three thoughts around the music I have made and my mental health. I want to take a moment to do what today calls for: to talk about it.
For me, music and my mental health over the past few years have been inextricably linked.
In June 2014, I released the song 'Collide'. This song was written about the darkness I experienced when I was ill with Ulcerative Colitis. Only looking back afterwards could I see what a huge effect that illness had on me far beyond the physical symptoms. The fatigue that came along with my inescapable and intrusive symptoms demolished my confidence and made me withdraw from the world around me. Whilst my recovery, both physically and mentally is well progressed now, I still carry with me what that time felt like and the effects of it I still feel around me, even with the passing of time.
At the time, I wrote a blog post about the meaning behind the song. I never shared it. It still sits in my drafts folder. I was too afraid, too shy, to talk about it. Even now, listening to this song still makes me cry. Every time.
Perhaps I am being too hard on myself. Because, just like it has taken me over 2 years to finally open up and talk about the meaning behind this song, at the time, it had already taken months to build up the courage to write and record a song that held such a deep meaning for me. Each step has taken time, but has also been cathartic.
In September of this month, I released an EP under the moniker Invaleurs. At the time I wrote:
I have a confession.
For too long, the anxieties I experience around sharing my music online have kept me from creating things I love. But when I set out writing these songs, I made them just for me.
With that freedom, I could explore more freely, able to push beyond the boundaries of my own comfort zone, to create songs I am proud of. And so, I am sharing them with you.
If you enjoy them, if you share them too, then I feel honoured to know that these songs have found new connections beyond the ones I hold with them. If you don't, that's fine too. I've already done what I set out to do.
Being so honest felt scary. But following the release, I had many people share with me how my experiences resonated with theirs. The response I got back is what has given me the confidence to share this blog post now.
This brings me to the third and final thing I wanted to share.
Immediately after releasing the Invaleurs EP, on the spur of the moment, I took my camera and, as I blogged at the time, escaped to Lepe to find some time and space to clear my head. That trip kick started a process that has led to finding myself writing this blog, starting a new Instagram and creating short films and soundtracks that have become one of the most liberating and enjoyable creative processes I have ever been part of.
This process has been quite the opposite experience of releasing songs, EPs and albums. As I blogged just this weekend:
There is something mindful about heading out in to an unknown space and creating my own space within in: through the camera lens and through channeling my focus from the world around me in to the music I compose.
Music and mental health will always be inextricably linked for me. Finding a way to make and release music that is good for my mental health has given me a huge creative boost.
Talking about mental health is scary.
Talking about mental health is important.
Talking about mental health is liberating.
Autumn Pieces 02: Calshot Castle
Now that Autumn has arrived, I want to carry on what I loved about the Summer Shorts series: finding a place, composing piece of music and making an accompanying short film.
The past few weeks have been exceptionally busy for me. The start of a new school year is always busy, but in my new role as project manager for the M-Tech project I have had some of the busiest weeks I can remember. It's been rewarding but exhausting.
Making time to go out and create these Autumn Pieces (and the Summer shorts before that) has become almost a ritual for me now. The boost that I get from the creative release is infectious. There is something mindful about heading out in to an unknown space and creating my own space within in: through the camera lens and through channeling my focus from the world around me in to the music I compose.
I took my GoPro again, and whilst most of the time-lapse video footage didn't come out as well as I hoped, some of the pictures I really loved, particularly this one that I took as I sat over the castle moat, staring in to the glassy pool of water below.
The other thing I have noticed over the past two weekend is how much better my iPhone 7 camera is than my iPhone 6 camera, and, even the disposable Instagram story pictures I took became some more of my favourites from the afternoon.
The music for this piece took multiple restarts before finding an idea that I liked enough to develop in to a full piece. Bob Dylan famously said to write ten songs a day and throw nine away. In a world of digital iteration, finishing nine bad songs doesn't seem like the right approach, but the spirit of trying, and trying again, is one worth remembering when finding new ideas seems illusive.
GEAR:
MUSIC:
FILM:
Autumn Pieces 01: Hill Head
Even though Autumn has arrived, I still wanted to carry on what I had loved about the Summer Shorts series: finding a place, composing piece of music and making an accompanying short film.
Heading down to Hill Head, I knew the changeable autumnal weather would likely bring challenges that the clear summer evenings had kept at bay. So, I decided to take my GoPro camera with me, and I'm glad I did: as my DSLR and GoPro sat on the beach, and as I sat composing on my phone, the tide rolled in. I looked up, just in time to see the waves rolling through the legs of my DSLR tripod and saved that, but the footage of the tide rolling in over the go pro is some of my favourite of the day.
With the waterproof GoPro and my new "water resistant" iPhone 7, I decided to make my way down the spit to catch the waves breaking, and got quite wet. So, retreating back to car with the heaters blasting on full, I worked on finishing the music.